TODAY IS THE DAY

I just had a super depressing thought: If I had stayed motivated, if I had stayed on track, I would have been well past my overall weight loss goal by now. I was very close to it only a couple weeks ago. I had five pounds to go. But something in me stopped caring, and therefore I have been eating super unhealthy.

While I am super upset at myself, there's nothing I can do about it besides start over. I just don't understand honestly. I remember what I looked like when I was 40 pounds heavier. Well, I only remember because of photos, but I remember being so unhappy. I remember my belly sticking way out and how big my thighs were. I remember the excess fat around my face...and I'm doing activities right now that led me to become that big:

1. Drinking a ton of alcohol

             Probably every weekend I am getting wasted. Why? Do I really have that much more fun drinking? No because I'm not 21 yet so I can't go to the bars, I can't go out. So what's the point? If this is going to work, and I mean really work, I vow not to drink until my 21st birthday. I have to gain my self-control back because somewhere along the line, I lost it.

     2.  Not being mindful of what I eat

  

              I honestly don't remember the last time I recorded what I ate. Not only have I been eating TOO MUCH, I've been eating unhealthy foods. Just last night I ate an entire blizzard in one sitting. I remember when I wasn't eating after 7:00 pm and I was snacking on healthy foods. 

     3.  Not working out 

  

             I am constantly making excuses to not go workout, and honestly, it's pathetic. I'm going to start being hard on myself because there is no reason for my behavior other than I've gotten careless and lazy.

I'm not going to be that girl who did an amazing job to lose a bunch of weight and then gain all of it back. I love myself too much to do that. 

I feel good about myself when I eat healthy. I feel good about myself when I workout. I feel good about myself when I'm in control over the food I eat and lose weight in a healthy way. I have self-confidence, which is something I absolutely don't have right now.

So enough of this shit. I'm getting pissed off at my behavior and I'm done with it. As we speak I'm working on my workout binder, and after class today, I will be spending my time in the gym. As well as tomorrow. I will be making a grocery list of healthy foods to buy, and I will be journaling everyday whether it be via online blog or my fitness journal. 

Fuck being fat. UNHEALTHY

This was back when I started my journey. Not only do I look disgusting but I look unhappy.