New Country, New Beginning

OKAY. So I haven't blogged at all in about five months, and I could picture exactly where I was at when I was reading my last post. I was at school, with an amazing (free) gym at my disposal. The ability to go into the school cafeteria and choose only healthy items to put on my plate. And yet somewhere along the line, I opted out of doing both of those things.

And after my finals were over, it only got worse. I had a little over two months before beginning my journey to Argentina, and I was supposed to be getting in shape so I felt confident and wonderful about myself before arriving. Instead, I was bouncing back and forth between friend's living rooms, spending a healthy amount of time working, and an unhealthy amount of time drinking and eating junk. It was more convenient to eat at work. It saved me money to eat at work. Well, just for the record, look where that got me.

So now, living in a city where I would have to pay to go to the gym, and where I have little control over most of the meals I eat, I'm choosing effort over convenience. My motivation? I have four months until I return home, and my goal is to be unrecognizable.

I had thought about buying a scale to use here (which isn't practical and a waste of money) but I'm glad I decided otherwise. Instead of *obsessing* about how much I weigh exactly, I can spend that time reflecting and controlling my habits and actions. If I go a little overboard one day, instead of feeling like a failure, I can do better the next day without the pressure of trying to reach some unreasonable number on the scale. I can feel good about myself when my clothes fit better instead of getting down because I didn't reach my weight goal for that week.

Ultimately, I do have a target weight, but I'm going to be more focused on reaching my target amount of miles or time.

Today is my second day of getting up, going on a run, and eating a banana and green tea for breakfast. I wake up and do ten push-ups before my run. Yesterday I did lunges. Today I did abs. It feels nice to be up early and being active. It took me a month to realize that I would sleep in late some days because I didn't have a purpose, a reason to get up. If I didn't have class until later, I might as well sleep all day because I have nothing to do. That's not how I want to live, especially not in Buenos Aires.

I am dedicated.          

I am motivated.           

I am challenged.         

I am optimistic.           

I am strong.

I am determined.       

I am focused.            

I am a badass.          

I am worth it.          

I am not giving up.